Making the Grade

When I was in school, tests were always a little frustrating to me. I would know the material and feel confident that I had done well. When the teacher would pass back the graded test, I was typically disappointed. I had inevitably made careless mistakes that cost me that perfect grade. I would understand my mistake immediately but it was too late. The grade was in. Somewhere along the way I accepted the fact that I could not make that perfect grade. I was imperfect. Flawed. Even when I earned that perfect score, I would see it as a fluke rather than the norm.

My relationship to God has been much the same. After the test, I would immediately see where I went wrong. If I had only rejoiced in my tribulation rather than worry. If I had only trusted Him rather than attempt to fix the problem myself. If only I had used that time to grow closer to His heart rather than spending so much time praying that He would fix the problem. I tried so hard to have the right attitude and I would be filled with regret when I failed.

Just like school, the tests get more difficult. Yes, He saw me through the last ordeal but this one is so much worse. Was it coincidence or the flow of life that got me through last time? I would begin to question reality. I felt I must assert the truth so I didn't forget what God taught me in times past. I even knew that when the season passed I would see God's hand in the whole circumstance.

This last "grade" has been different. I am not filled with regret. I am so grateful for God's patience and loving kindness. I simply feel loved. I am convinced I am not graded with A's or B's or F's for how well I did on the test. What a relief! I simply have a more clear picture of my walk with God. After all, if I received an A, wouldn't that lead to pride? That's the point. God gets the A, not me. With no grade point system, the emphasis is on Him and not on me. He was faithful. He listened to my heart. He heard me and answered in His timing. He was faithful to teach. He was faithful to humble. He is the Great Teacher.

Finally, it is not up to me to be perfect. God's life in me - that's perfect. Let me tell you, two years seems such a long time. But in God's time frame? Not worth a mention. Next test? He will be perfect and I will be flawed. I am happy and content to know that He will always get flying colors and love me into His kingdom.